Special Edition: ACC-Big Ten Challenge

The ACC/Big Ten Challenge starts tonight, and while I've only been watching Clemson games, I'll still put them up. The lines aren't quite as available as football lines, so here we go.

Monday
Penn St (4-2) @ UVa (4-2)
Virginia has lost to USF and Stanford, PSU lost to UNC-W and Tulane. Virginia wins.

Tuesday
Wake Forest (4-1) @ Purdue (5-0)
Wake was surprised on Saturday with a loss at home to William & Mary. Next ACC team to schedule them for any sport is stupid. Purdue has a win over Tennessee. Purdue wins.

Maryland (4-2) @ Indiana (3-3)
Indiana has a long way to go. Maryland has two big losses against Cincinnati and Wisconsin, the only real competition they've faced, I have to think they'll beat the Hoosiers.

Northwestern (5-1) @ NCSU (5-0)
Northwestern's only loss is to Butler, with a very narrow win over Iowa State. NCSU's only major named school on their schedule so far was Auburn, which was a 2 point win. I think NCSU wins this one close, due to the home court.

Michigan St (5-1) @ UNC (6-1)
The marquee matchup of the competition pits a rematch of the national title game last year, which I know is probably a surprise to all of you, since ESPN doesn't like to hype stories like this. Michigan St lost to a suddenly hot Florida and UNC lost to a similarly suddenly hotter Syracuse. I have to take the Heels at home, though.

VT (4-1) @ Iowa (2-4)
Four losses this early is pretty bad -- like Georgia bad. VT lost to Temple, which isn't a terrible loss. VT wins.

Wednesday
Illinois (4-2) @ Clemson (6-1)
Whoo! We lost one in the opening round of the 76 Classic then turned around to win the next two, including Butler. The Illini have losses against Utah and Bradley, which probably should not have happened. Both teams have important freshmen on the team, but I like our chances in this one. (We beat them last year in Champaign. Or Urbana. I don't know.)

Boston College (4-2) @ Michigan (3-2)
BC lost to Northern Iowa and St. Joes, while Michigan lost to Marquette and Bama. They also beat Creighton in the first round of the tournament which gave them their two losses. I like Michigan here, even though I know almost nothing about either team.

Minnesota (4-2) @ Miami (7-0)
Minnesota was another contestant in the 76 Classic, with a similar record to ours -- except they lost to Portland instead of beating LBSU (their other loss was also TAMU). Miami won their tournament with a win over South Carolina, which is great, but I think the Gophers win this one.

Duke (6-0) @ Wisconsin (4-1)
Wiscy's loss is to Gonzaga, by a lot. They beat Zona and Handled Maryland. This is the other high profile game of the matchup. Duke's record looks good as well, with impressive wins over each opponent, and big names of Arizona State and UConn. Duke always wins their game in this, and I don't think this time will be any different.

FSU (6-1) @ OSU (5-1)
These two teams don't have a huge resume so far -- FSU beat Alabama and Marquette and lost to surprising Florida. Ohio State lost to UNC and won at Cal, which, I guess is better than I immediately thought. I think Ohio State sneaks this one out.

ACC Record: 7-4, extending the conference record to 11-0.

Happy Rivalry Week, I mean Thanksgiving, no I don't

I kind of wanted to get the Texas-Texas A&M game in, but it's Thanksgiving. Oh well. I hope everyone's Thanksgiving is excellent and Rivalry Day is too, unless you're a Gamecock. Then I hope you spend all day Saturday wallowing in misery.

Friday Games
Bama (-10) @ Auburn - The Iron Bowl
This is supposed to be the demolition of an inferior opponent by one of the best teams in the country. I was high on Bama early, but I'm kind of coming down on all of the SEC in general, mostly because they all are beating each other and refuse to play anyone else. The Tide will probably win, but I'll bet it's close. Tigers cover.

Pitt @ WVU (even) - The Backyard Brawl
The team with the most to gain always loses this game. And it's in Morgantown, I'll take the Mountaineers.

Nevada @ Boise State (-14)
This one is in here because it's interesting, but not really a rivalry. I'm going to go out on a limb with this one and say Nevada pulls the upset. I want to watch this game, but it might be past my bed time.

Saturday Games
UNC (-6) @ NCSU
North Carolina. By a lot more than this. Poor Wolfpack. It'd be a shame to waste Russell Wilson.

FSU @ UF (-24.5) - Battle for the Governor's Cup
Have the Gators covered the spread in a game yet? They are a much better team than the Seminoles, but FSU will score their points. 'Noles cover.

VT (-16) @ UVa - Commonwealth Challenge
Virginia is a terrible football team. Hokies win and cover.

Miami (-6.5) @ USF
Not technically a rivalry, but I guess it could be. Only one of these schools is actually in South Florida, and oddly enough, it's not the Bulls. Miami should win easily, but we thought the same thing about FSU. I still think the Canes will control this game, but will be something like 23-10 game.

Oklahoma St @ Oklahoma (-8) - Bedlam
This is really interesting, because OkSU is ranked like 11 and OU is not at all, yet favored by more than a TD. That's weird. I'd like to see the Cowboys out of the BCS talk, but I don't think that happens. OKSU wins.

Arkansas @ LSU (-3.5) - The Battle for the Golden Boot
I have no real explanation, but Arkansas just tends to upset LSU, and I don't think LSU is that good. Ryan Mallett drops the hammer on the Tigers. (See what I did there.)

Georgia @ Georgia Tech (-8) - Clean, Old Fashioned Hate
This is the best named rivalry there is. But this time, Tech is on top and will rub the Uga's face in his own poo on Saturday. Jackets by 10.

Clemson (-3) @ South Carolina - Battle for the Palmetto State
Clemson. By like two touchdowns. We lead the conference in sacks, are #2 in the country in INTs, and their QB turns into a hollowed out shell after his first pick and they have no running game to speak of. This is not bode well for them.

Week 12

I owe you some picks everyone; I plum forgot yesterday. Oh well. I went to my first game between the Hedges, and it was pretty neat. It looked like Rambo almost died, but I think he's ok now. Exciting game, I chatted with one really annoying and one cool Auburn fan, I did not eat at Weaver D's. I did get to see Clemson get one game closer, which means we think we are still quite likely to lose our formality of a game on Saturday. Let's look at how we did last week before this week's games:

Me: 8/11, 4/11, ATS (73/123, 63/123 ATS)

Jackal87: 7/11 (38/67)

SHatter: 9/11, 7/11 ATS (63/113, 51/113 ATS)

VTFerguson: 7/11, 6/11 ATS (57/110, 43/110 ATS)

SHatter had an excellent week, VTFerguson's voodoo can't stop Spiller and Jackal87 has been more consistent at picks that either of the college football teams he follows. Onward!

Duke @ Miami (-20)

Duke was fun at the beginning of the year, but they're starting to show that even though they have a potential NFL QB, they just don't have the depth that other teams do yet. Clearly Cutcliffe can get them there, if he doesn't go for more dollar signs. However, it doesn't happen on Saturday, but the score will be closer than the game. Duke covers.

Maryland @ FSU (-18.5)

Last week convinced me. Manuel is fine. Maryland is a superlatively awful team, FSU wins and covers.

North Carolina @ Boston College (-3.5)

I don't understand how this BC team has won 7 games or how one of them wasn't Notre Dame. Anyway, I do not believe in this team at all and I'm kind of impressed by the Heels so I think they win on the road.

UK @ UGa (-9)

Georgia won that weird one against Auburn last weekend where the first quarter had them looking like the German soccer team in the classic Monty Python sketch, while they switched sides after that. Georgia is clearly the better team and at home, so they win. Ordinarily, I'd pick the Cats to cover, but it looks like Cobb will be out so they'll be lost without him. Dawgs by two TDs.

Ohio St (-11.5) @ Michigan

Will RichRod be coaching the Wolverines next year? I'm waiting with baited breath to find out. Wait -- that period wasn't indifferent enough, so I'm going to use the backwards apostrophe for the purpose from here on out for that, because I have no idea what else it is for: I can't wait` I am also tired of Ohio State. They'll win here, lock up their opportunity to lose to the Pac10 winner, probably Oregon, and Jim Tressel will start to feel like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day. Michigan is not a good football team.

NCSU @ VT (-21)

I think that this game will look a lot like our game against the Pack, except both teams will score fewer points. Even though I got burned last week, I don't think the Hokies cover a spread that wide.

LSU @ Ole Miss (-4)

Wow, I'm surprised that the Rebs are favored here. Even though they blew Tennessee out last week, I still don't believe in them, either. This is the week I ignore all of the data from last week. Tigers win.

Oklahoma (-6.5) @ Texas Tech

Both of these teams are 6-4, that's weird. I like the Red Raiders because they're at home and they tend to beat the Sooners when they're at home and the Sooners are weak. Oklahoma is definitely weak this year, and why not? It's a fun pick.

Oregon (-6) @ Arizona

The Pac10 is confusing this year, but exciting. I could not tell you a single thing about the Arizona football team. Aren't they coached by Mike Stoops still and he's normally on the hot seat? Oregon by a TD`

Cal @ Stanford (-7.5) - The Big Game

There is something astir about this game. It seems like things are just lining up for the Cardinal, and I think there needs more chaos, and Cal is the team to issue it. If ever there was a rivalry where wacky things happen, it's this one. Best won't be playing, but it didn't stop them last week from beating that confusingly good Zona team. Bears sneak out a close one.

UVa @ Clemson (-20.5)

This game is for the berth in the ACC title game. You can probably feel the pent up excitement radiating from Clemson fans from your chair. The sentiment is, "If we haven't moved past Bowden, we lose this game. If we win, we've gotten that monkey off our back and the sky's the limit." I think we win, but the Hoos have a way of sticking around, so 3 TDs is a little much to ask. I think it's more like a 14 point victory.

Two games until rivalry week

I had a nice time at the FSU game on Saturday.

Fri
WVU @ Cincy (-9)
This is one of two remaining games for Cincinnati's chance to be 2009's version of Auburn about whom people seem really dismissive. I haven't really seen much of the Moutaineers this year, but Collaros looks fine and WVU hasn't beaten really anybody in any of their 7 wins. Cincy rolls.

Sat
FSU @ Wake (-5)
Wake has had the Noles' number lately, but are on a horrendous losing streat that started with us and is currently running with not one but two soul crushing defeats. Speaking of crushing things, that's what DeAndre McDaniel did to Ponder's shoulder, and that's the reason why I can't take FSU. With Ponder in, I think it's a Noles no brainer. I think FSU covers, though.

VT (-17.5) @ Maryland
VT finally started winning again last Thursday. It's a good thing their remaining schedule is easy, because it seems like it would be easy for them to lose motivation in the first year they've been out of the ACC Title game in what feels like a decade even though it's only been three years. Hokies win by default but don't cover, just because they never do.

GT (-12.5) @ Duke
A win clinches for the Ramblin' Wreck. I do'nt think they'll have much trouble winning, especially after last week's scare. I do think that the Yellow Jackets could allow like a 1000 points to a very good Duke offense, but the PeeJay3Oh can score like 1015. Tech wins and covers.

TCU (-20) @ Utah
Had I realized the spread was this wide, I probably wouldn't have picked this one. This is TCU's last hurdle, and I think they'd be in the conference conversation in like 3 or 4 BCS conferences. They win, but 20 is just too many. Utes cover.

UT @ Ole Miss (-5)
Tennessee all day and all of the night.

Stanford @ USC (-10.5)
Stanford hasn't been that great on the road, but have looked nice at home and it is hard not to be up for USC. As we saw last week, they can get the job done. Can they pull out two emotional and dominant games in a row? Why not! Go Tree!

UF (-15.5) @ South Carolina
I hope that UF wins by infinity. Not that it will stop SoCar fans from talking about how hard their SEC schedule is. I think this game will look a lot like the Georgia game and UF will win big.

Auburn @ UGa (-4.5)
I will be going to this game, and I'm pretty excited for a night game in Athens. Both of these teams are all mixed up: Auburn has better wins and worse losses and this is a weird rivalry and at home with a hungry crowd. I think the Dawgs win but the Tigers cover.

Miami (-3.5) @ UNC
UNC is quietly looking like a quality team again after a surprise win over VT and one over whta looks like it might be a bowl eligible Duke team. The UVa loss is a pretty bad one, but still, they are talented and could finish 8-4. That being said, Miami is going to crush them. Despite their two losses, they might be the best team in the ACC. Miami by two and a half touchdowns.

Clemson (-8.5) @ NCSU
Since the bye week, we are playing inspired football (minus the kicking game). Using the eyeball test, we should reasonably expect to win the rest of our regular season games. This, however, is a classic trap game. NCSU can score a ton of points and our defense, while very good, has allowed 61 points against FSU and Miami. Granted, in the other two post bye games we allowed 6 total. Our athletes are better than theirs at every position besides QB, and theirs is a game breaker. I don't think it will be enough because their defense is attrocious. Go Tigers!

The election is over!

Hey everyone, sorry about the late postings. The last two weeks have had me running around covering local politics, and that is over, so more time for college football nonsense. This weekend kind of sucks, though, so I'm glad I'll be spending most of Saturday in Clemson, saying mean things about the Seminoles. We're in homecoming season, and weirdly, there are some teams who looked like locks at the beginning of the season to be threats are struggling to be bowl eligible (UGa, Arky, FSU, UNC) while Iowa is undefeated, Duke is tied for the lead in the Coastal and Kansas State leads the Big XII North. Awesome.

I was going to choose the VT-ECU game, but because it starts in like half an hour, I'm going to replace it with the Army@Air Force game instead. Game Day is there, Veteran's Day is next week, and quite frankly, nobody knows what could happen with that many options.

Maryland @ NCSU (-6.5)

These two teams have horrible records. Half of the Terps' wins are against us. NCSU showed last week they can still score points, while Maryland is just bad. I'll take the Pack to win and win big.

Wake @ GT (-15.5)

Wake was a Deacon sideburns hair away from beating Miami last week. Not good enough, and PJ with the 3O will win this one. I even think they cover.

Duke @ UNC (-10)

A win here and Duke plays Wake for the NC state title. This game would have been laughable at the beginning of the season, then laughable the other way before the VT upset. Weird. Heels win, but Duke covers.

Ohio St @ Penn St (-4)

Wow, those Vegas folks know how to set a line. Any higher and I'd take the Buckeyes to cover. But not at for. Lions win and cover.

Oklahoma (-5) @ Nebraska

I remember when this game mattered. Sooners win by two touchdowns.

Navy @ Notre Dame (-12)

I was all set to pick the Midshipmen before the Temple Owls beat them (and become bowl eligible! Temple is bowl eligible but Clemson, FSU, and UGa all are not yet!). Notre Dame wins, but it's close. Navy covers.

Army @ Air Force (-17)

Remember what I said about not knowing what happens with that many options? I was lying. Air Force wins and covers with that many options.

Oregon (-7) @ Stanford

People keep asking if this is Oregon's trap game. The answer is no. Ducks win, and they continue swimming in their money bin. Oregon for president!

South Carolina @ Arkansas (-7)

This is the last game on the Gamecocks' schedule that they might win. They are just not beating UF and they matchup poorly physically an psychologically with us. Arky is a team that played its best games in losses to UGa and UF, while I am down on SoCar, they do have a signature win. I will take the Hogs to win, because they're at home, but it's close and comes down to the wire and the bad guys cover.

LSU @ Alabama (-7.5)

This is a play-in game for the SEC title in the West, which, in turn, is a play-in for the national title. I still think that Les Miles is kind of an idiot who has an otherworldy talent for recruiting while Nick Saban is an evil genius who might have sold the blood of his children to Azrael or some other demon in exchange for Game Genie style power ups. I think they win in a game that will be like 9-3. Tigers cover.

FSU @ Clemson (-9)

Man, it felt good to write that. This is almost for a spot at Tampa. If we win, our bags are practically packed, not to mention squatting on the parts of Florida that Urban Meyer is finished with. I like our chances in this one; FSU is a lot like a crappier version of Miami. If NCSU can stay within 3, I think we can handle our business. Tigers by a TD.

Halloween Weekend

I gave my list to VTFerguson, and I can only imagine he is busy coming in from some ledge after last night. I'll get ten games in here, but I am just going to gloss over Clemson this time because Coastal Carolina is not even a competitor in the Big South. I'm in a hurry, so expect fewer snarky comments.

10/30 WVU (-3) @ USF

WVU looks good, only one loss to a surging Auburn (at the time). Bulls look bad lately, I'll take the 'Eers to win and cover.

10/31 - Spooky

NCSU @ FSU (-10)

Big spread. I guess everyone thinks the Noles are back? They win, but don't cover.

Ole Miss (-4.5) @ Auburn

I might go to this game. No idea, I'll take the home team to win.

Miami (-7) @ Wake

Wake doesn't look that good anymore. Both these teams are suffering from some Clemson dished out butthurt. I'd take the 'Canes if they were giving 10.

Duke @ UVa (-7.5)

I will take those points all day long. I think Duke wins outright, too, since the Cavaliers are a steaming pile of awful.

South Carolina @ Tennessee (-6)

I think that South Carolina has reached the point in their season where they stop winning games. Their offense has looked good so far, but the defenses they have played are not super impressive. The Vols have a super impressive defense. Monte eats Garcia's lunch, and he shares it with Eric Berry. But I think the Cocks cover, because Crompton has an IQ of like 8.

GT (-12) @ Vandy

Yes. Jackets. That is all.

Texas (-9.5) @ OkSU

No Dez Bryant = bad for pokes. They are kind of getting shafted by the NCAA, and that sucks for them. I'm surprised T Boone Pickens isn't trying to buy the NCAA to correct this. Texas wins and covers.

USC (-3) @ Oregon

This is the game I am most looking forward to this weekend. I think the Ducks seal their Rose Bowl fate this weekend and Quack all over the Trojans.

Florida (-15) vs Georgia

It might be all the peach scented air up here, but UGa is a team that can score points and Florida is having troubles in the redzone against the likes of Arkansas and Mississippi State. UGa doesn't offer much more defensive resistance than those two, but they're pissed off from last year and coming off of a bye and basically putting their entire season into this game and the Tech game. The rest of them don't matter. I think Georgia sneaks out a close one.

Sorry again

I have to write a story tonight for the paper and I'm not sure I'll get to this tonight. I'll give VTFerguson a list of picks tomorrow at work and if he can get to them, wonderful. Two things.

1) GOOO CLEMSON!

2) UNC @ VT (-16.5) is tomorrow night's game. I'm taking VT to win and cover. Just in case it doesn't get up in time.

Week 8 I think

This is the opposite of last week. I had a tough time limiting myself to just 11 games, so I added a bonus again. This weekend has potential implications to the top of the ACC, Big East, Pac 10 and to a lesser extent, the SEC. Let's take a closer look at how.

10/22

FSU @ UNC (-2.5)

This was a game that most folks had circled in the preseason. Little did we know that both of these teams be smelling vaguely of vomit outside of an Indian restaurant (FSU) and a dead bird you found at the beach (UNC). Luckily for the Noles, the matchup is in their favor, even with the Thursday night travel. VTFerguson pointed out to me that the Atlantic has yet to beat the Coastal, but I think is a chance for it to happen.

10/24

Boston College @ Notre Dame (-8) - Holy War

Boston College somehow turned into a quality team while everyone was watching FSU meltdown. I kind of hate on Notre Dame, but they'll probably win. I think BC covers in a close one.

South Florida @ Pittsburgh (-6.5)

USF lost a good one to the Bearcats, who might be going to the national title game. The Panthers are undefeated so far, and normally wilt in games like this. I think I'll take that chance and say it happens again.

Maryland @ Duke (-5.5)

Don't laugh, but Duke is playing some impressive football right now and Maryland apparently has enough talent to beat us, but lose to Virginia. It is fun to root for Duke, but that will quickly disappear if Cutcliffe succeeds in turning them into a winner. This is a stop on Friedgen's train ride to unemployment, Devils cover.

GT (-5.5) @ UVa

Don't laugh, but Virgina has the same effect on GT that Maryland has on us. Tech is now riding awfully high after upsetting the other Tech and is praying for a Tiger victory in Miami. That would be all for naught, though, if they fail here. I think they break from tradition and pull out a squeaker. GT does not cover.

Oregon St @ USC (-20.5)

This was the OICMP game for Carroll last year in Corvallis. The Beavers are quietly having a very good season, but I think that given last year's game, they probably won't let the surprise happen again, but there is no way they cover that spread.

Iowa @ Michigan St (even)

If Sparty wins this game, then the Big Ten race becomes a jumble again and nobody asks, "What about Iowa?" anymore. I don't think that happens. Iowa looks pretty legit after that week 1 scare. I don't know how the tie breakers work in this dumb conference, but I'll be they could split this game and OSU and still play in Pasadena. Hawks win.

Arkansas @ Ole Miss (-6)

The Razorbacks neary shocked the College Football landscape last weekend in the Swamp, but the zebras slowed down their getaway. I think with Petrino's leadership they'll be angry rather than let down, and throwing on the Rebel secondary will be a treat compared to the Gators', and Mallett will go nuts. Arky wins outright on the road. Houston Nutt will be down and out and then beat somebody like LSU and everybody will be shocked, and then realize, wait, Houston Nutt does that every year.

Auburn @ LSU (-8)

Auburn's star has faded pretty quickly over the past two weeks. Night game at Baton Rouge is not the place to get things going again. Tigers win! LSU wins and covers.

Tennessee @ Alabama (-14.5) - Third Saturday in October

This my second favorite named rivalries, mostly because it is sometimes played on the Fourth Saturday in October, like this year. This game will be close, but Bama will win by less than two TDs. We will see the Bear Bryant Hat Twins like 800 times.

Bonus: TCU (-2.5) @ BYU

BYU is starting to look like a fraud with their meaningful win against Oklahoma looking less and less impressive and FSU struggling. TCU wins by an impressive margin and people start talking about what we do with an undefeated TCU and Boise State.

Clemson @ Miami (-5)

I can't believe the line is that tight. But Woo! Suck it Wake Forest. I am wondering how serious they are going to take us, because we're not quite relevant yet and Miami is Da U, even though "the" is only one letter longer than "da" and proper English while U stands for University, which is an institution of learning. A win in the Shark all but punches our ticket to Tampa, and a loss gets a lot more complicated. I look for a Richard Jackson field goal towards the end of the game to put us over the edge and Dabo Swinney does in a year and half what Tommy couldn't do in 10.

Looking at our early predictions...

Since it's about halfway through the season, I thought it would be fun to look back at how we thought things would be shaping up by now. For the most part, we look a lot like our game predictions.

The only predictions of mine that don't look like an drunken, angry monkey wrote them are the Pac10 and ACC picks.

• Big East -- 1/3, really, USF still looks like a compelling team, Cincy did not fall off and Rutgers has already lost two in conference.
• Big Ten -- Didn't really make a lot of predictions, but Penn State needs some breaks to stay alive in the conference discussion. It is still not that interesting football, though. Purdue is returning to obscurity, so I'll take credit for 1/2.
• Pac10 -- Oregon looks like the team to beat in the conference, Stanford just lost a shootout to Arizona, but considering, look pretty good. Cal has been a disappointment. 2/3.
• Big XII -- A big whiff. I still think Nebraska is the tea to eat in the North, but they are currently mid pack. OU is not the team they were last year and OKSU did not build on the UGa win. 0/3.
• SEC -- Another miss. Alabama is looking like the best team in the country, Florida is really missing Harvin and Mullins, South Carolina is looking good so far (although I still maintain they could have another '07 spiral of tragicomedy where the schadenfreude is mailed out to everyone in the Palmetto State with their Bed Bath and Beyond coupons). 1/4.
• ACC -- Goodness. VT does not even have the best ACC record in its own state, let alone division; FSU is a non-factor and Clemson has to win at arguably the best team in the league right now to keep pace with Boston College, of all teams. BC needs to drop one against UMd, UVa and UNC in order for my FSU-Clemson prediction to be probable. Which, judging from that qualifier, is not. The Coastal's bottleneck includes Virginia, rather than UNC. Weird. 2/4.

The good news is that the rest of you jokers didn't do any better. SHatter's Big East, Big Ten, ACC choices are all but out of the running. Pac10 looks tough, and it's hard to say with the SEC. Both of his national title picks are still alive, though. He looks right on the Big XII.

VTFerguson chose VT to win the ACC, which will need some breaks at this point. Wake is not a surprise this year. Clemson is disappointing me a little, but I think we are realistically about where we should be. Let's call that 1/3. He chose Rutgers, and thought Louisville would be the surprise. Surprise! They still suck. Pitt still looks ok, and leads the league. 0/3 Big Ten, he picked Penn State too, and thought Michigan would stay down and they look fine, and MSU is doing ok. 1/3. So far, OU is not going to win the Big XII, Texas has not disappointed and Kansas is chugging along nicely. 1/3. USC needs help to win the league, Cal is disappointing and UCLA might win 6 games. 1/3.

Based on that scoring:

Me: 7/19

SHatter: 2/6

VTFerguson: 4/15

Going forward, if I were to change my choices:

Big East: Rutgers Cincinnati

Big Ten: Penn State Iowa

Pac 10: Oregon

Big XII: Texas

SEC: Florida Alabama

ACC: Virginia Tech Georgia Tech

Over the weekend

Woo Clemson! We're not dead after all. We go into Miami for a pretty rough one to see if Jacory Harris is the Wicked Witch of the West or just folds under the pressure of a strong D-Line. BC looks like they have a comparatively easy road ahead of them, and without an upset over the Canes, we might need some help to get to Tampa this year. Damn you Terrapins!

Also, how about that home cooking for the Gators? Good to know it's not just the non-Tobacco Road schools in ACC Basketball that have to deal with that.

How'd we do? Let's find out:

Me: 8/11, 7/11 ATS (40/79, 39/79 ATS) over 500!

SHatter: 6/11, 4/11 ATS (43/79, 34/79 ATS)

VTFerguson: 6/11, 5/11 ATS (30/66, 22/66 ATS)

IbisFan33: Didn't play this week (20/34, 14/34 ATS) is he still alive?

Jackalt45: 9/11 (14/23) He forgot the GT-VT game? Weird.

Hopefully IbisFan33 will be back before next week.

Week 7

Fun times this week. Actually, this is kind of a poor weekend, but we'll get by. FSU has the week off to see if they can staunch the bleeding, but I just heard that GT scored another touchdown on them. We'll get to see if Clemson figured out how to move the ball from scrimmage, or if punt returns are all we got. Stay tuned, we'll see!

UGa (-8) @ Vanderbilt

Vandy is not looking like the Vandy we have grown to expect over the past few years. Then again, neither is Georgia. A crappy Bulldog team, though, is still much better than a crappy Commodores. This is the replacement for USF-Cincy, and I'm sorry. Dawgs by like 21.

Arkansas @ Florida (-25)

That is a lot of points. UF's offense has not looked quite like we expected after fireworks and explosions last year. Arkansas is coming off a big win over Auburn last week, and I really don't think they'll be in this game, but 25 is a lot of points. 'Backs cover, but there is no doubt that they are eaten and digested by the Gators.

NCSU @ BC (-2.5)

Who knows. At halftime, Amelia Earhart, Flight 19, and Atlantis all appear and the Kennedy Assassination is explained by Dr. Lou. This game will make no sense. NCSU's defense is not very good, but BC's offense smells like the dumpster area behind grocery stores. I would think that Wilson would be the safe bet, but he's streaking poorly lately. I'll take BC at home to win and cover.

Iowa @ Wisconsin (-2.5)

Iowa, after their ridiculous first week, has kept on winning. They beat Penn State on the road and now travel to Camp Randall for another tough one on the road. I have been picking against the Hawks for most of their games and it has burned me each time. I am not getting on the Corn Train.

USC (-10) @ Notre Dame

Heisman hopeful James

Clausen? Not at Men of Troy

Or in this haiku.

Texas Tech @ Nebraska (-10.5)

Poor Mike Leach. No pirate jokes for a while. The media only cares about his weird while he is winning meaningful games. Maybe next year, Huskers win at home, but Raiders cover.

Cal @ UCLA (-3.5)

This is where Cal gets their mojo back, since UCLA was lucky to catch the Vols early. Bears win and cover, Best finally looks better, at least.

South Carolina @ Alabama (-18)

It may be my bias showing through, but I don't think the Cocks score an offensive touchdown in this game. They haven't seen a defense remotely this good yet and were lucky to escape from UK at home last week. Bama handled Ole Miss without much trouble, and that's SoCar's marquee win. I am tempted to say that Bama doesn't cover, but what's the fun in that? ROLL TIDE against South Carolina, even though this is the third Saturday in October.

Oklahoma vs. Texas (-3) - Red River Shootout

Texas hasn't looked like the team that anyone expected them to be yet, and Oklahoma has already had trouble with injuries, even though they've lost two games by a cumulative two points. I think that the Sooners win this one.

Virginia Tech (-3) @ Georgia Tech

The pride of the ACC meets on Saturday night, and maybe GT's defense will decide to show up too. I am guessing that the game will be an exciting shootout, of sorts, because I can't remember the last time I watched a shootout involving Virginia Tech. I think the Hokies win, because if their defense stops the Jackets like twice then that'll be enough. They can.

Wake @ Clemson (-7)

This is the biggest game of Clemson's season. A win here puts us back in the mix, gives us hope for a bowl game, and shows us how we matchup against the rest of our schedule. A loss basically ends our season. BC and Clemson are looking like very similar teams this season, and BC snuck one out against the Deacs. Hopefully, that bodes well for us. Go Tigers! I don't think we win the spread, though.

It'll be a little late this week

Hey everyone, I'm a little behind the eight ball this week. I will get the picks up tonight or tomorrow morning. Regardless, I will delete the USF-Cincy game, unfortunately, because I'm slow. Unless one of you other guys posts them before I do. Otherwise, check back tomorrow.

Weekend recap

Clemson did not play, but I found myself watching the Kentucky game at South Carolina this weekend. I will make a few comments about it, but I will keep them brief, because this doesn't exactly fit the ACC theme, but still, here we go:

1. Kentucky's offense is better than Clemson's, and they are far less talented. Randall Cobb is a heck of a player and will be exciting to watch. He was used well for a drive, and then abandoned on the 2 point conversion.
2. Kentucky's defensive backfield is not very good. If I am South Carolina's offensive coordinator, I call a seven step drop every three downs.
3. The refs did not blow the play dead on the delay of game where Hartline got hurt, and that is inexcusable. This is one instance where it is fair to say that the refs screwed up and impacted the outcome of the game; Hartline isn't exactly All-SEC material, but he was substantially better than Fidler.
4. There was a bit of a scuffle between two players towards the end of the game where one guy pushed the other and the second one pushed back at the end of a play, and there was no call made. I think a lot of times, that is probably preferable to penalizing the last guy to do something. Sure, the behavior needs to be discouraged and double penalties is sometimes the norm, but nobody really gets punished in that case, either.

A few other thoughts were that Georgia might not be that good, FSU is in for a rough season, Alabama is probably going to win the SEC, and whoever wins the Atlantic is going to lose to Virginia Tech in Tampa.

Results:

Me: 8/11, 7/11 ATS (32/68, 32/68 ATS)

SHatter: 7/11, 5/11 ATS (36/68, 30/68 ATS)

VTFerguson: 6/11, 4/11 ATS (24/55, 18/55 ATS)

IbisFan33: Didn't play this week (20/34, 14/34 ATS)

Jackalt45: Didn't play this week (5/12)

Week 5

Holy crap. I missed most of the games this weekend because Clemson was the noon game and Georgia was the 3:30 and Mandy was down on football and I wasn't super excited about it either. We have a bye at least, and by Sunday, FSU will have a worse record than us again. I can only imagine how their fans are feeling, judging by our meltdown (and the trustees calling Bowden out), and we've been a little more prepared for disappointment than they have. The difference is our coaching staff is really, really cheap.

This weekend, though, is pretty much the all-SEC weekend, as far as interesting matchups go. Since we're off, I'll pick the surrogate team I've been loving on, Oregon. The big news out of Eugene is that they might reinstate Blount for the Stanford game. I think he's lucky to get it, and that's Oregon's business, but if they feel like he's done enough, then I wish him the best.

Also, I think that excessive celebration penalties are dumb. And makeup calls, too.

We had a newcomer last week, let's take a look at how we all did:

Me: 7/12, 5/12 ATS (24/57 [42%], 25/57 [44%] ATS)

SHatter: 5/12, 3/12 ATS (29/57 [51%], 25/57 [44%] ATS)

VTFerguson: 5/12, 4/12 ATS (18/46 [39%], 18/46 [39%] ATS)

IbisFan33: Didn't play this week (20/34 [59%], 14/34 [41%] ATS)

Jackalt45: 5/12 (really 13, but I'll let him slide, even though he didn't pick against the spread)

Games

BC @ VT (-13.5)

I am pretty surprised by BC's wn ove the Noles, but don't really see them winning again. VT wins by the length of the Hokies' wattle. BC covers.

Auburn (-2.5) @ Arkansas

Auburn is on a tear right now. Arkansas's defense s not nearly as good as UT's. So Auburn? Yes and please.

Maryland @ Wake Forest (-11)

I hate Testudo. It would be kind of reassuring to see the Terps win, so we can have some sort of hope that maybe we lost to a team that isn't abysmal, but I on't think that's the way it's gonna be. I had this whole thing written about a Deac stomping on a turtle shell and kicking it like in Mario, but the spread is 11 and that's just too many. Maryland covers.

Houston @ Mississippi State (-1)

This is a really weird matchup. Houston just got beat by UTEP. MSU was one play away from beating LSU. What do we do? Cougars, I guess.

Georgia @ Tennessee (-1)

Lane Kiffin better win a game or the Vols are going to start to feel kind of ridiculous. (Start? Who sad that?) Too bad this won't be it. Gnger Ninja wins and AJ Green gets flagged for celebrating on Rocky Top for no real reason.

Alabama (-5.5) @ Ole Miss

I am starting to come around to the idea that Alabama might be the best team in the country. Ole Miss needs to show some spunk. But at less than a touchdown, I would put all kinds of money on the Tide.

Kentucky @ South Carolina (-10)

It is hard to tell how good (bad) Kentucky is (or SoCar, for that matter) because we don't have a lot to go on. UK beat two crappy teams and lost to the two best teams in the nation. South Carolina surprised some (read: me) by beating Ole Miss and NC State. I think the Cocks win, but I don't think their defense is as good as people think it is. Cats cover.

Vanderbilt (-10.5) @ Army

Vandy, I guess. You're welcome, Jackalt45.

Oregon (-3.5) @ UCLA

A rare Pac10 road win happens here. Oregon looks like it got over its hiccups in Boise. Look for the Ducks to punch the Bruins when they are not looking by more than 4 points.

GT @ FSU (-2.5)

The marquee ACC game of the weekend puts the Triple Option up against the Triple Losers (I can say that because Clemson has 3 losses too). The Noles had one stolen right at the last minute on a fumble in the end zone. I think Tech is gonna do what they do and run for literally a zillion yards and win this game. Bonus Prediction: FSU fans stop laughing at the Allstate commercial with the Bobby Bowden grill.

Florida (-7.5) @ Louisiana State

Two of the four remaining unbeatens in the SEC meet up for the biggest game of the weekend. LSU looked just good enough against an average to bad Georgia defense and nearly choked the game away. It is unclear if the Gators have actually been trying n any of their games so far. Yes, Tebow got concussed and vomited and it shouldn't be funny, but we're only human, right? I think UF is good enough to win with or without Tebow, but I think the Tigers keep it close enough to cover.

Biggest Flops of the Season So Far

5.) Florida State

4.) Florida State

3.) Florida State

2.) Florida State

1.) Barack Obama

I don't want to talk about it

Week 4

I missed the recap but I have been kind of busy this week. I'll do it here, but really, it's just counting, so any of the rest of you could have done it as well.

Me: 5/12, 5/12 ATS (17/45, 20/45 ATS)

SHatter: 6/12, 6/12 ATS (24/45, 22/45 ATS)

VTFerguson: 3/12, 4/12 ATS (13/34, 14/34 ATS) [13/45, 14/45]

IbisFan33: 3/12, 2/12 ATS (20/34, 14/34 ATS) [20/45, 15/45]

SHatter rocked this week, and IbisFan33 tried to let the rest of us catch up. That was nice of him. That week, though, made a few marquee ACC teams (FSU, Miami, UNC and Clemson) look silly and a couple look great (VT and GT). How much of a factor did the rain play? Makes life fumblier, that's for sure. I was out of town and missed most of the games, so I can't really comment further. On to the picks!

1. FSU (-4.5) @ BC

This game is the Gameday game? What? It's kind of a slow week, but this isn't even the most compelling game involving the ACC, let alone the country. Good lord. Even after the massive brain fart that was the USF game, FSU is still dangerous and I expect them to go nuts and win by well more than 5. Against a QB, who while awful, still threw for more TDs than ours did in our game.

2. Ole Miss (-9.0) @ Vanderbilt

We love Vandy here at this blog, even if they haven't really returned the favor yet. This will help fill in the picture on the also rans in the SEC, like Ole Miss and South Carolina, after the Rebels put up a stinker against the Gamecocks. It's my Clemson bias showing through, but I think that Ole Miss is just a lot crappier than we saw last year and the 'Dores pull the upset.

3. NCSU @ Wake Forest (-1.0)

Wake is favored in this game? Wolfpack for a thousand, Alex. This game starts to make Seminole and Tiger fans start to get antsy about the Atlantic Division.

4. Air Force @ Navy (-3.0)

Service academy games are fun. I would like to see us play them more. I think Navy is the better team here, but I want to watch this football game. Navy wins and covers.

5. LSU @ UGa (-3.0)

Both of these teams kind of look like shadows of themselves, even though LSU is undefeated still. This line confuses me, I would have expected the Tigers to be favored. I think LSU is better, even though they have been underwhelming so far. I'll take them to win.

6. Georgia Tech (-6.0) @ Mississippi State

MSU is showing signs of life we haven't seen n Starkville since Jerrious Norwood got Ron Zook fired. The Bulldogs are sneaky good at home, so I think they'll cover, but the Bees still win.

7. UCLA @ Stanford (-5.5)

UCLA is another one of the surprising undefeated teams, and Stanford is a choked game away from being there right with them. Ivan Maisel pointed out on his podcast that this is the most important conference game in the Bay area, even though USC is playing at Cal this weekend. Weird. I think UCLA could sneak this one out, though.

8. Auburn @ Tennessee (-2.0)

Night game in Knoxville... but Auburn has been scoring points, has a signature win from behind, and is undefeated. They look like the surprise team in the West that I thought Arkansas was going to be. As much as I like Monte Kiffin, the Volunteers' QB stinks. Malzahn will wear that good defense out, and I think the Tigers steal one.

9. Southern California (-5) @ Regular California

The Bears kind of got humiliated last week, and as tempting as they are to take for the rebound, I don't think I can do it. Trojans win, but don't cover.

10. Oklahoma! (-7.5) @ Miami

This is the game at which ESPN and Big and Rich and Cowboy Troy should be singing. Is Bradford back? Do they actually kind of suck (comparatively)? What about Miami's debacle last week? How many times will the commentators say "swagger"? Good lord, is that obnoxious. No other team walks around like they're better than other people? Really? That said, I don't think OU has it together yet. I think that Miami, being at home and having their faces shoved in their own poop last week gets them fired up to win big.

BONUS: VT (-17) @ Duke

Throwing Ferguson a bone because I felt bad that the rest of our teams made it and his didn't. VT by like a thousand.

Clemson (-13.0) @ Maryland

Maryland looks like an awful team, and sadly there might be two teams worse than the Terps in the ACC. We are looking like what we thought we would, a 7-5/8-4 kind of team, assuming we win the games we're suppose to, like this one. I think we win and cover and might even score an offensive touchdown!

Week 4

I had this whole week written out, but I left it at work. I know, I know, I shouldn't be writing blog entries at work, but in my defense, some days it is really boring.

This week will answer some questions for us across the board, I think. Like can the midpack SEC teams play defense? Is Miami actually that good? Is the Pac10 the most interesting conference in the country? And what's up with Georgia Tech's offense? Let's find out!

9/24

Ole Miss (-4.0) @ South Carolina

I'm pretty sure that everyone in the country thinks that the Rebels are overrated. They are. But does that mean that they are not better than the Gamecocks? No, it does not. Ole Miss wins and covers on the road.

9/26

Wake Forest @ BC (-1.0)

This line surprises me. BC does not look that good, and Wake Forest has actually beaten BCS level competition. The Eagles' QB is not good, and Wake's is. I have to take the Deacs here. A vote for Wake is a vote for Protestants.

Pittsburgh @ NC State (-1.0)

I cannot believe that the Wolfpack is favored in this game. An ACC team that looked terrible at home against an average SEC team gets a point against the Big East favorite? As much crap as we've gotten as a conference from the media so far, this is ridiculous. I was going to take NCSU anyway, I just wanted some points while doing it.

Arkansas @ Alabama (-17.5)

This is a lot of points. This game, I think, will tell us a good deal about the SEC's teams; if Arky can light up the scoreboard on Bama, then I think we can say that UGa, SoCar and Arky all have good offenses. If the Hogs find themselves Hog Tide (get it?) then basically I think it will look like the conference minus Bama and UF are in for a down year the rest of the way. In any event, I'll take Bama to win and not cover because Good Lord, it's almost three touchdowns.

USF @ FSU (-14.0)

Hey look! Their letters are the same in reverse! This game became a lot less interesting without Grothe. FSU wins and covers.

UNC @ GT (-2.5)

This is a really interesting game because the Heels have looked bad winning and Tech has looked bad winning and losing so far. NC has the DLine to keep the dive in check, but all it takes is a few wily plays out of PJ to keep the game interesting (Grr). I think after last week, the Bees will find a way to win.

Washington @ Stanford (-7.0)

After last week's crazypants upset, this game just got a lot more interesting. Was last week just Pete Carroll's typical "Oops, I crapped my pants" game, or was Sarkisian putting the West Coast on notice? I will take Stanford to win, but not cover, because I think it'll be close but the emotion of last week will be too much for the Huskies to deal with.

Cal (-5.5) @ Oregon

This is just another game that makes the Pac10 seem oddly compelling this season. Will Oregon's first game serve as Murderfuel for them to take the form that we (I) kind of expected out of them? Or is Jahvid Best going to go bananas again like he did against Minnesota? I think Oregon is able to continue winning at home, even though this pick hurts me, because I am pretty high on both of these teams.

Texas Tech @ Houston (-1.0)

I was trying to pick between this game and UGa-ASU, and I chose this one because it seems weirder, and I think that Georgia is a far superior team. This matchup is nonsense. Houston has shown impressive aptitude so far, and the Red Raiders always remain capable of scoring like 900 touchdowns through the air. The over/under in this game is 73. I'll take the over, and Coach Leach recovers from last week Arrrghhh.

Miami (-2.5) @ Virginia Tech

This is the most interesting game of the day. High ranking opponents, Miami going crazy on offense and VT pretty much being VT. The Canes got the GT monkey off their back last week, and now they go to Blacksburg. It's hard to bet against Jacory Harris right now, but the Hokies will have a better DLine than anything Miami has had to deal with so far. If Tech gets consistent pressure, then Harris might do dumb stuff. I will take Miami to win but not cover, for no reason other than to hedge my bets and because I could see it being super close.

BONUS GAME: Iowa @ Penn St (-9.5)

This is one of the most important Big Ten games of the year. I don't think it's really that interesting because the Big Ten just isn't that fun to watch right now. Sure, Michigan looks a little better, but that's pretty much all they have going on right now. Penn St will play in the national title game this year, and they win this one, but it looks oddly close. Penn State wins, but Iowa covers.

TCU @ Clemson (-2.5)

I just got an e-mail that says this is the 50th year anniversary of the Blue Bonnet Bowl where we beat them. Hooray. I think this will be a matchup of two excellent defensive squads that will be settled by special teams. I could see this ending something like 13-6. Of course I'm taking Clemson, and I think we cover.

Week 3 Recap

Scorecard:

Me - 4/11, 6/11 ATS (12/33, 15/33 ATS); 0/3 on upsets

SHatter - 7/11, 6/11 ATS (18/33, 14/33 ATS)

IbisFan33 - 8/10, 8/10 ATS (17/20, 12/20 ATS) [17/33, 12/33 ATS]

VTFerguson - (10/22, 10/22 ATS) [10/33, 10/33 ATS]

I used to be good at this; I don't know what happened. If I go to Vegas, I am taking IbisFan33 with me. SHatter has the slight edge over me at the moment. I guess we'll have to do drop a week or something.Which would normalize the stats a bit. In brackets, the total possible picks are shown; the parentheses show the correct picks per picks made.

I can't believe I picked Florida to cover a 30 point spread. That seems silly in retrospect. I think this should be my mulligan year of this game. I am amused that I can pick against the spread better than games outright, but I still haven't crossed 50% yet. Next time, Gadget.

Thoughts on the game

This is an easy one. Clemson looked very good on defense and special teams, and looked awful on offense. Kyle Parker looked like a redshirt freshman, the receivers did not get great separation, the tight end Michael Palmer looked great, CJ is incredible, and Ellington ground out the clock very nicely at the end. It was like the Virginia Tech Hokies were wearing orange and white!

Also, Boston College is not that good.

Week 3

This is an exciting week for college football games. I am going to miss most of them because I will be attending the Boston College game, and I am looking forward to some evisceration. I am currently on a six game losing streak; the last games I have attended were: Georgia Tech, Florida State, Georgia Tech, Alabama, Virginia Tech, South Carolina. Maybe the Tigers losing is my fault.

Here are the games.

9/17
GT @ Miami (-5.5)
One prediction I can confidently stand by: this game will not be as weird as last Thursday's. I will be happy to take Tech in this one; I think they win outright. I don't think they will quite run for the infinity yards they did last year, though.

9/19
UConn @ Baylor (-10.0)
UConn lost a close one to UNC and Baylor beat Wake. This is just a weird intersectional game and I think Baylor will probably win, because that ends up making the ACC look the silliest. But 10 points is ridiculous, Huskies cover.

Texas Tech @ Texas (-17.5)
Mike Leach might be my favorite coach not wearing orange and purple. The more I think about this game, though, the more trouble I am having with it. Neither of these teams have really played anybody yet, so it's hard to tell. I want to take Tech, I really do. I know that 17.5 points is too many for a Mike Leach team not playing Bob Stoops. I guess not having the tree full of crabs will probably be too much, but I still think this is an upset potential. You know what? Go big or go home, right? Red Raiders win a stunner in Austin! (Over/under is 67, I will take the over.)

Mississippi State @ Vanderbilt (-9.0)
This will be the second game that Dan Mullen starts to question why he ever left Florida. Vandy rolls.

Tennessee @ Florida (-29.5)
How many times will Urban Meyer punch Lane Kiffin in the face, either literally or figuratively? I'm guess at least a thousand. Florida wins and covers.

Nebraska @ Virginia Tech (-4.5)
Good game last year, Nebraska should be even better. Expect a close game again. VT wins, but Nebraska covers, because I like saying Ndamukong Suh.

Utah @ Oregon (-4.5)
I'm a little surprised to see Oregon the Vegas favorite, but I don't really disagree that much. I think Oregon is a better team than how they looked against BYU and the Runnin' Utes lost a ton from their incredible team last year. I like Oregon to win by a TD.

WVU @ Auburn (-7.0)
I am still not prepared to say that Auburn has risen from the giant pile of stink that was last year. Mountaineers go into the Plains and win, even though they sacrifice the elevation advantage.

UGa @ Arky (-1.0)
This game is weird. Arkansas has played zero teams so far, so we know nothing about them. Georgia has played two teams so far, and we don't know anything about them, either. If Georgia's secondary plays like they did last week, Mallett will crush them, as if he was using a mallet. I am starting to think that the Bulldogs might not actually be that good, and Arkansas holds serve and puts the SEC West on notice.

Criminoles @ Mormons (-7.0)
This is a really fun game because before the season, it looked like FSU was probably BCS bound and this would be a footnote along the way. Then the Cougars knocked off last year's runner up and the Noles forgot how to play defense and nearly choked at home against the Gamecocks (not even the... well yes, the good Gamecocks.) Now, BYU is a clear favorite and FSU is just starting a rough four game stretch that involves hosting USF, going to Boston then coming back for the Yellow Jackets in the Doak, all after this trip to Provo. Yikes. I think this this will end up being a lot closer that we'd think, but the travel and excitement building in the Beehive State will win out in the end. FSU covers, but I wouldn't be super surprised if they pulled it out.

BC @ Clemson (-6.5)
Boston College has put up really impressive numbers so far, which is good for whoever their QB is, because he needs to distract the conference with those cupcakes like in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure for NES. However, when they come into Death Valley, they better have the dynamite, because when the music stops, the Tigers are coming. Nobody remembers that game? Really? Tigers win big.

Week 2 Recap

Looking at Week 2, I don't think we really did that much better as a group, other than Ibisfan. I went 5/11 and 6/11 ATS, for a cumulative 8/22 and 9/22. Fantastic. Also, 0/2 for upsets, which was kind of my gimmick when I first did this; I had some ludicrous streak of like missing 1 over two years. I guess this is what happens when you take a couple of years off.

Other bloggers --
VTFerguson: 6/11, 5/11 ATS (10/22, 10/22)
SHatter: 6/11, 5/11 (11/22, 8/22)
IbisFan33: 9/10, 4/10 (9/10, 4/10)

I had to count these to be sure like 8 times. Everybody's still in it, unless IbisFan33 makes a habit of that. But since he missed the first week, maybe they'll just count against him as all wrong. We'll have to get a ruling from the other bloggers.

I have a few questions after this season.

• Like why aren't people making fun of the Big XII? Their marquee team lost in a surprise, Colorado looks pretty crappy, Oklahoma State crapped their pants, Missouri almost got beat by Bowling Green (Urban Meyer doesn't coach there anymore), and KState got beat by UL-Lafayette.
• Are the SEC defenses good or are the offenses crappy? I'm not buying NCSU just yet, so I'm not convinced that they just bottled up SoCar's offense. Garcia grew up a lot in Athens on Saturday, but really? That big of a difference? Georgia might be in for a long season. And Mississippi State scored 24 on Auburn who scored 49? Did Auburn score 49 points all season last year?
  
• I'm not choosing us to pick a Notre Dame game until they beat a ranked opponent. I don't want to talk about them and it bothers me that their mascot is a leprechaun because their program is so damn obnoxious and leprechauns are kickass.
• Central Michigan beat Michigan State, and that's not as big a blot on the Big Ten as you'd think. This could be a renaissance year for them, but we won't know until Bowl Season because they think they're too good to play anybody. CMU's Dan LeFevour is an NFL prospect; he's like a Tebow who is good at passing.

Picks will be up at Wednesday, on location from Clemson, South Carolina.

A Few Notes about Thursday

After watching the game on Thursday and getting off the emotional roller coaster that the Clemson Tigers took me on (which happens really, really often), I think there are some positives to take home. There are some glaring negatives, too. Let's look at them.

Good

1. Kyle Parker looks like our quarterback. As a RS Freshman this was really his first game to speak of and he acquitted himself well. If he doesn't opt for the baseball contract, we'll be in good shape.
2. The defense is scary good. To start the game, a pooch punt return, a fake field goal, and a blown coverage led to scoring. Only one of those really falls on the defense proper, and after that, they only allowed 3 field goals. In a game like this, if the defense only allows 16, you expect to win. Johnathan Dwyer, ACCOPoY, was basically a non-factor in the game.
3. The coaching staff looks competent. This time last year, I could not say that. It is extremely encouraging to be able to walk away from the game and not feel like the other team was better at us in every aspect of the game, like Alabama was last year. The game plan was good, the playcalling was improved over last year, and and there were halftime adjustments on both sides of the ball. Not only that, but the team toughed its way back to a lead after going into halftime down 24-7
4. Individual players, CJ Spiller and Jacoby Ford, are ridiculous. It is a shame that they have to go next year, but they have been special players for us.

Bad

1. Looking at #4 above, there weren't a lot of other offensive contributions. Hopefully against a weaker opponent next week (BC at home) we can get other players involved.
2. Gadget plays as a playcalling option from this team has not been super productive. Sure, there was the CJ Spiller pass for the only TD scored against UVa last year, but other that that, it has not turned out well for us. The pooch kick and a WR pass from Tyler Grisham have given GT 14 points. Without those plays, Clemson wins both games. We also ran a reverse last night, and while it wasn't successful on its own, that is a direction of trickery that has better potential to succeed.
3. Offensive line still isn't great. Everyone points to the 3 tries from like the 4 where we couldn't punch it in. That needs to get better.
4. Next year, it looks like we will have a quarterback controversy. Willy Korn probably won't go away as an issue, because the fans love him. If Parker continues to play like he has, he's not going anywhere. But Tajh Boyd takes his redshirt off next year, and by all accounts he is an extraordinary talent. It's a good problem to have, I suppose.

Another thing I noticed was that it seems like the "magic formula" to stop this offense is to have dominating DTs that can control the dive on their own. Obviously that's easier said than done, but there are a few teams on Tech's schedule that can achieve that. Their next game at Miami will be a very interesting one to watch.

I don't know how much the whiteout contributed, but with CPJ, Tech is building a meaningful home field advantage. The fans were loud when they were supposed to be in ways I haven't seen in my other trips to Bobby Dodd. Good for them.

I hope next year the game winning drive is not stalled due to a questionable holding call.

Week 2... Good Lord

Last week was not my best showing. I went 3/11 on the games and 3/11 on the spread. I could have had a chicken walk across a bingo card I created with those teams and choose the teams it pecks and done at least that well. I even missed the upset. Crap.

VTFerguson did me one better on the games at 4/11 and 5/11 on the spread. SHatter won the games outright with 5/11, the spread with 4/11, but he did call the awkward moment correctly.

I blame Kenny Chesney and Dave Matthews for our poor performances. Why does ESPN have this insistence on forcing music on us? It might not be so bad if it wasn't the same two songs all damn season. Or in the case of Big and Rich and Cowboy Troy for what seems like ever. These people have been singing that abhorrent "Coming to your Citay" song or longer than half of the ACC coaches have been in their current jobs. Nothing says "hip" like a five year old song performed by a novelty country act!

Week 2 is not as supercharged with fun as Week 1 was, even if our beloved conference caught a ton of hell. Only two of the good teams in the conference lost (VT and FSU), each to quality opponents, the crappy ones turned out to be really crappy, and the middle of the conference (UNC, GT, Clemson) were not tested last week. Miami was the big story, and with Bradford going out and VT does not look to be super offensive this year, that if they can get by GT and VT, they might be the national program the conference is looking for. Then again, GT hung like 13,000 rushing yards on the Canes last year, so those are big ifs.

Picks!
Stanford @ Wake (-2.5)
Wake let us all down last week (not as bad as Navy did, though). I kind of think they'll do it again. Stanford and the drunk tree beat the Deacs.

UNC (-5.0) @ UConn
UConn is not any good, and UNC is supposed to be. Some cred is rebuilt for the ACC as the Heels tar the Huskies by at least a touchdown, probably more.

Iowa (-7.0) @ Iowa St.
Iowa dodged two bullets against in embarrassing fashion by blocking two field goals to avoid getting beat in their own house by Northern Iowa. Yuck. Will they be able to use that kind of mojo again on the road in Ames? Probably, but it will again be embarrassingly close; Cyclones cover.

Minnesota (-4.5) @ Air Force
Minnesota won a squeaker against Syracuse (who threw no less than 85 bubble screens in a Rob Spence masterpiece) who played Greg Paulus (did you know he used to play point guard for Duke?) and AF put up 76 on Nobody State while allowing zero. This is a pride game for the MWC, and they are on a mission. I vote for Air Force; I vote for America. This is my upset pick.

Notre Dame (-3.5) @ Michigan
This game is what I think it would be like to go back to your 25 year high school reunion to see two twice divorced cheerleaders vying for the attention of the balding, beer-gutted captain of the football team. In their day, it would have been a dramatic thing of beauty, but now it's a casserole of awkward and sad. Both won their previous games in convincing fashion, but I think there's less sag in ND's figure than Michigan's. Irish win and cover. Sláinte!

Purdue @ Oregon (-11.5)
This is not that interesting and I apologize. Despite laying an egg last week, I think that the Boilers are just the team to turn things around in Duckburg. (See what I did there?) Purdue covers, that's a lot of points for a team with that much drama to give.

Vanderbilt @ LSU (-14.5)
Mr. Miles went to Washington (the other one) and did not score a million points last week. Vandy beat up on WCU. I'd love to take te 'Dores here, but the Bayou Bengals will win, but not by as much as you think, so I can only say they'll cover.

UCLA @ Tennessee (-7.5)
Lane Kiffen did his best impression of Urban Meyer last week by scoring 63 on the most incredible amorphous mascot ever. This is a rematch of an oddly exciting game from last year that started the Fulmer Train on its way to Sackedville. The Vols start building momentum until getting smashed on the Swamp next week. Tennessee wins big.

South Carolina @ UGa (-7.0)
SoCar played the ugliest game I have watched rom beginning to end last week. All I could think of was the Dodgeball quote involving retards, a doorknob, and an act of sexual congress. My girlfriend was sad after the OKSU game last week, and lucky for both of us, that attitude will be gone this weekend because Georgia will win, though probably win ugly in a game that will be closer than it ought to be. Go Dawgs! Cocks cover, sadly.

USC (-7.0) @ Ohio State
In the preseason, it was chic to say that Ohio State would beat USC this year, but last weak, they avoided a really, really close shave against Navy. What is the takeaway for a team like OSU playing against the Paul Johnson offense (minus Paul Johnson)? Nobody knows. I still like the Buckeyes' chances, actually. The struggles will be good for them; I could see Ohio State winning outright.

9/10
Clemson @ GT (-5.5)
Speaking of the Paul Johnson offense, my Tigers get to meet up with the real McCoy for the second time tomorrow night, which I will be watching in person. Neither team was really tested last week, and both superstar running backs put on a show right out of the gates. Dwyer ran for a big TD on the first play from scrimmage while Spiller turned one in on the opening kickoff. My favorite internet quote that I saw was about the Clemson defense: "We are like a rolling ball of butcher's knives." I feel like the Chicago Superfans with this pick when they were asked, "Who would win: Ditka, or God?" "Ditka, but it'd be close." I think Kevin Steele, our new DC, is the difference in a thriller as the Tigers sneak in a win by the narrowest of margins and take a commanding lead in the division.

Week 1

Reviving an old tradition, I will tell you how the following games will turn out -- 10 of the most interesting with a general emphasis on the Southeast and a particular interest on the ACC -- plus the Clemson game. Why? Because living in Georgia gives ACCers an inferiority complex.

(Technical note: For the spreads, I use Wednesday's Harrah's odds.)

Week 1 is always tough, because teams like last year's Auburn, West Virginia and even Clemson were expected to do great things and finished about as satisfyingly as A Waltz With Bashir. Too obscure? No Country for Old Men? Too obvious? The hell with you people.
Thursday Games
South Carolina @ NC State (-5)
This is a compelling game because it offers all the sexiness of an ACC/SEC matchup with the excitement of being the first major game of the season but with the addition tease of bigger things to come. (Like an SEC team that isn't terrible. Zing!) This is the second part of a home and home that gave Gamecock fans everywhere one more week before their wildly unrealistic expectations were dashed. I have the feeling that this year will be a little different: NCSU will win, ushering in the first of many, many soul crushing losses for Spurrier and his Cocks. SoCar covers, though, teasing them with just a taste of possible success.

Oregon @ Boise State (-3.5)
I gave some props to Oregon for playing a tough schedule a few posts ago, and it starts immediately. The Smurf Turf welcomes the Ducks to swim on top, pond like, and face maybe the fourth toughest team on their schedule, and that is no slight on the Broncos. If you asked me at the end of last season who wins this game, I say Boise right away. However, I have grown pretty high on the Pac10 and I think at the top, they might have as strong a conference as anybody. Oregon wins an exciting shootout. I guess this one counts as my upset of the week.

Saturday Games
Maryland @ Cal (-21.0)
The Terps last year were such poster children for schizophrenia that all of Herschel Walker's personalities got jealous. They beat Cal last year in a win that would confuse Stephen Hawing. Cal, led by Jahvid Best (more like Jahvid Beast, amirite?) thumped his chest all season. Maryland goes west to Berkeley and will leave looking like that box turtle you saw on the side of the road that made you cry when you were six. Maryland covers.

Oklahoma (-22.5) vs. BYU in Dallas
While I expect BYU to be a very good team, Oklahoma will beat them in such a fashion that the Mormons will look for an outlet in alcohol a lot SOONER than anyone expected. OU wins game and spread.

Baylor @ Wake Forest (-2.0)
This would be a lot more fun if both teams still sucked. Baylor is improving, and Wake had more first round picks than Clemson in the last draft, which does not make me feel better about losing to them. I'm tempted to go with Baylor, but I don't think I can. Wake wins. But I do think these two teams should play each other every year, call it the "Baptist Bowl" and serve green bean casserole.

Illinois (-6.5) vs. Missouri in St. Louis
This is one of those rivalries like Washington-Washington St. or Kentucky Louisville that the announcers love to talk about how intense and underrated it is, but nobody actually cares about because one or both of the teams are not nationally relevant. They both have tried to tease us in recent years, but it's kind of like the plain looking chick who puts on make up for the first time. Sure, she might be worth a second look, but Juice Williams is still going to through like 4 interceptions a game. This game, however, that might be good enough. Illini win.

Georgia at Oklahoma St. (Even)
This is another one of those games like OU@BSU where at the end of the season, I was convinced the Cowboys would win this. UGa lost two first rounders on offense plus their leading receiver, and the boys in Stillwater bring a ton back to the table. I was recently reminded, though, that while Matthew Stafford can throw a football like 700 miles, he is still easily outwitted by most household pets. UGa wins in exciting fashion.

Virginia Tech vs. Alabama (-6.5) in ATL
I hate games played in the Georgia Dome. They make me sad. This game, however, makes me confused. Alabama has a fantastic coach but an undertalented team. The Hokies have been dropping runningbacks as if to say "Run first teams don't need talented running backs! I'm Frank Beamer! I'll just block extra points!" For some reason, in my head Frank Beamer sounds like John Kerry when saying that. Ultimately, I guess I have to go with Alabama, but I don't really believe in this pick; I'm just going through the motions the way Catholics do on Sundays.

Monday Games
Cincinnati @ Rutgers (-5.0)
Cincinnati lost literally a crapload of seniors last year. I respect their coach, but I just cannot imagine that they will be able to repeat when three of their four toughest conference games, including this one, are on the road. I also don't know what to make of Rutgers, because they have shown signs of turning around their hundred year oblivion (take heart, South Carolina!) but have not quite put it all together yet. I still think the Knights win, if for no other reason than because they are not afraid to embrace the froufrou color scarlet in tough-guy New Jersey.

Miami @ FSU (-6.0)
This game would be like if Egypt and Italy went to war -- it would have been exciting 2000 years ago, but doesn't quite have the same pop it once did. FSU is the favorite to win their division (grr), even with a questionable offense. Miami seems like they are moving in the right direction, but their coach has not demonstrated super confidence so far after being depantsed by Paul Johnson and Jeff Tedford last year. Sure they beat VT, but a lot of good that did them. I still have to follow conventional wisdom here and say the Noles win, but I wouldn't be heartbroken to see the Canes pull it out. I do think Miami covers, though, in one of your typical ugly 9-6 style games.

Clemson
MTSU @ Clemson (-19.0)
I like the fact that Dabo gets to keep his training wheels on for the first game of the season before facing aforementioned crazy man in Paul Johnson. I don't expect to learn very much about the team, even going against Tony Franklin's offense again. Wouldn't mind seeing a tight one where the defense plays option defense every down. Clemson wins one that looks close on the surface and does not cover the spread.

BCS Outlook

I want to give you a list of predictions fro 10,000 feet for each of the conferences. I am going to give bullet points, a few stories I think will be interesting for each of the 6 BCS conferences, my picks for winners, and maybe a National Title guess, too. Hopefully the other writers will pick up the pace and add their two cents, too.

Big East

This is probably the conference I know the least about. I miss Rich Rodriguez, where you could just pick WVU to win and be done with it. Things have changed, I guess, because that probably won't happen again for a while.

1. Winner: Conventional wisdom says Pitt, but I do not believe in the 'Stache. I say Rutgers with their easy peasy schedule has the advantage.
2. Cincinnati will fall back a little. They lost a lot, but kind of had a quietly great season. They'll be good, they have an excellent coach, but he hasn't built a program that can graduate 13 starters (9 on defense) and not take a step ack.
3. USF has been a trendy pick in this league ever since Grothe has been their QB. They are an interesting team and fun to watch, but they don't seem to be very mentally tough to get as close as they have been and screw the pooch.

Big Ten

This conference is so boring.

1. Winner: Penn State. They get Iowa and Ohio State at home, their toughest away game is at Michigan State who will not be as good as they were last year.
2. What happens in Michigan? Do we see a jump in performance with another year in the system, or will Wolverine fans have to wait another year to see results? I think they will at least make a bowl, but won't scare any of the upper tier in the conference yet. They can call the UM-ND game the Mediocre Bowl.
3. I am really curious to see if Purdue can return to te Tiller days under a new coach or if they will fade into obscurity.

Pac 10

I am really high on the Pac10 this year. I like the way they scheduled, I think that USC's exodus of talent will lead to some very entertaining competition this year. The offense, as usual, will be high flying fun out West, if you can stay up to watch.

1. Winner: This is trickier than you think. I think that there is a narrow window this year for someone other than USC to play in the Rose Bowl. I just can't decide if it's going to be Oregon or Cal. I guess Oregon.
2. Cal is also pretty impressive. Finished the season strong and Jahvid Best is a name you are going to hear a lot of this season.
3. Stanford is the biggest wildcard in this league. Jim Harbaugh is a very impressive coach and it will be interesting to see how he does and for how long he coaches the Cardinal.

Big XII

The other SEC, except all the good teams are in one division (sorry Nebraska).

1. Winner in the North: Nebraska, almost by default. Mizzou lost a ton of talent, Kansas has probaly hit their ceiling, and Nebraska is rouning into dangerous form again. I didn't like to see it at the end of last year, but Pellini was probably the right hire for them.
2. Winner in the South: I like Oklahoma, and to win the whole conference. I know that everyone is taking Texas to the big one, but I don't know. My opinions are changing as we approach the season. OU lost a lot, and despite the Heisman Curse, I like their coaching staff better.
3. Oklahoma State is the question mark. They are a dark horse contender for the conference and possily the National Title, but I don't quite buy into the last part. The game against UGa will set the tone for their season.

SEC

The conference that their fans take pride in being the toughest, and this year will probably take a step closer to being undisputedly so.

1. Winner in the West: LSU. It looked like they sorted out their QB issues in the bowl game and shored up their defensive coaching staff. They will not allow 50 points to anyone this year.
2. Winner in the East: Florida, duh. They will also win in Atlanta.
3. Arkansas will be the surprise of the conference. I think they could finish ahead of Alabama, and will finish ahead of Ole Miss. Ole Miss will disappoint, even though Snead will continue to be a badass and probably be the steal of the NFL draft.
4. South Carolina will suck out loud, and the waves of disappointment coming from Spurrier's visor will be felt as far away as Knoxville.

ACC

This conference will continue to be a jumbled mess, especially in the Coastal. Teams are starting to rise to stratify a little more, like they do in other conferences. With the out of conference schedule, there should be a lot of really good ACC games this year.

1. Winner in the Coastal: Virginia Tech. It's their's until someone takes it from them.
2. Winner in the Atlantic: The winner of the FSU-Clemson game will go to Tampa to play the Hokies. I hope it's the Tigers, but it will probably be the Noles.
3. The Atlantic is going to be the weaker division this year, with Wake and BC being down. This might be the year that makes the grumbles for Friedgen audible outside of ACCland, an NCState lives and dies by their QB.
4. The Coastal has a bottleneck with VT, GT, UNC, and Miami. Georgia Tech is the story of the league, returning a ton of players. We keep hearing about how he is going to install more of the offense. Ok. UNC should be good, but who knows. Same could be said for Miami, really. They have new coordinators in Coral Gables and had a dramatic offseason.

National Title Picks:

UF over Penn State. I can see something similar to last year happening in the Big XII, and an undefeated Penn State will get to play ahead of a one or two loss OU or UT. Nobody is demoting even a one loss Florida this year.

I will summarize in the comments. Leave your own predictions there.

Out of Conference Scheduling

It is a football cliche that the best you can do is beat all the teams on your schedule. For some teams, that is easier than others. Your team's schedule is an issue every year, and frequently has more of an impact that you'd like. I think we can all agree, too, that particularly for the fans, watching good teams play is better than watching one of the juggernauts play against patsies. A tough schedule can alleviate a poor record for the coaches.

I think that out of conference games are important; they impact recruiting, have national title implications, and are fun. As a result, teams that play hard games out of conference deserve credit, and those that play particularly poor ones deserve derision. I want to point out some conference trends, my top 10 teams as far as quality OOC scheduling ant the 10 that are just padding their stats.

The Big Ten, Big XII, and SEC each only have 2 teams that have scheduled 2 or more BCS teams or BCS level teams outside of their required slate. (I count Boise State, TCU, Utah, Notre Dame and BYU as the BCS level schools. I considered ECU, but decided against counting them.) The Pac 10 has 6, but bear in mind they play 9 conference games instead of the usual 8, so they probably win this little game of mine as far as scheduling tough. The ACC is next with 8. The Big East also has 8, but they only play 7 conference games, and they only have 1 team with 3 BCS level opponents, so they're sneaky about it.

Looking over the teams, these are the top ten most notable:

1. Oregon (@Boise State, Purdue, Utah) - Every one of their 12 games are against BCS quality opponents. Purdue might be their weakest OOC opponent, too, so kudos to them. They are ranked #14 and #16 in the two major polls, so they could play themselves into a at large BCS bid with a good season.
2. USC (San Jose State, @Ohio State, @Notre Dame) - Two away games, only one game that isn't against a BCS opponent, and this team and the last team are probably the two favorites to win the Pac10 (although I think Cal will be good, too). They have a tough road to hoe, and if they make the title game, they will have earned it.
3. FSU (Jacksonville State, @BYU, USF, UF) - The weird one is that they travel to Provo to play the Cougars. Their schedule is brutal this year, with the usual Florida and the replacement of their usual cupcake. Good on the 'Noles.
4. Virginia Tech (#Alabama, Marshall, Nebraska, @ECU) - Two traditional powers on their schedule, one of them neutral site. ECU played spoiler for a couple of teams last year.
5. Georgia (@OkSU, ASU, Tennessee Tech, @GT) - This and the one above are almost interchangeable. UGa is also the only SEC team willing to travel to play opponents (South Carolina is the other team from the mighty Southeastern to play more than one BCS opponent outside of conference), and they do not mess around this year. @OkSU and @GT are both games they could lose, but ASU will probably not give them much. Still impressive, and they deserve credit.
6. Oklahoma (#BYU, Idaho St, Tulsa, @Miami) - Tulsa can score points, neutralish site against BYU, and in Miami is a pretty darn respectable schedule.
7. Miami (OU, FAMU, @UCF, @USF) - It's weird that Miami is traveling to Central Florida twice, but hey, whatever.
   
8. Washington (LSU, Idaho, @ND) - While an awful team, they host LSU and go to Notre Dame, so that's cool. When you suck, big time teams want to play you.
9. UConn (@Ohio, UNC, @Baylor, URI, @ND) - This is the team in the Big East that plays the equivalent of 2 other BCS teams. It's decent, UNC and Notre Dame should be improved this year, and Baylor is better than they have been in a long, long time.
10. Georgia Tech (Jacksonville State, @Mississippi State, @Vandy, UGa) - While not exactly picking the cream of the SEC, they do have three teams from their conference. It'll be fun to see the 'Dores against the Old Gold this year.

The flip side of this is important, too. If Florida somehow loses a game, and so does Southern Cal, how does that edge get decided? Florida will almost certainly get the benefit of the doubt because they are an SEC team. However, Florida is easily at the top of this next list. I defer to higher profile teams, because teams like Iowa State and Kentucky are just trying to win games. The bigger programs should know better.

1. Florida (Charleston Southern, Troy, FIU, FSU) - While FSU should probably push them a little lower on the list, the fact that they are the biggest bully on the block should give them a little more impetus to leave the Sunshine State. But then again, they didn't pick FSU...
2. Penn State (Akron, Syracuse, Temple, Eastern Illinois) - Syracuse is technically a BCS team, but really, JoePa? You're a hall of fame coach, for crying out loud.
3. Texas Tech (North Dakota, Rice, @Houston, New Mexico) - Continuing the trend of not wanting to leave the warm confines of your home state, if Texas Tech is anything less than 9-3 this year, this has to be a disappointing season. I do love listening to Mike Leach talk, though.
   
4. Michigan (Western Michigan, Notre Dame, Eastern Michigan, Delaware State) - This is almost as maddening as Florida's, because they play ND every year. They are lower on the list because they were so awful last year.
5. Ole Miss (@Memphis, SErn Louisiana, UAB, N. Arizona) - Southeastern Louisiana? Really? I think Ole Miss is going to be exposed this year, and these cupcakes aren't going to help them later on in the season.
6. Rutgers (Youngstown St, Howard, FIU, @Maryland, Texas Southern) - Remember that Maryland puts them at 8 BCS games. Rutgers does not have the pedigree that the other teams on the list have, but good gracious.
7. Texas (Ul-Monroe, @Wyoming, UTEP, UCF) - Should probably be higher on this list, actually. Oh well. UCF almost upset them in Orlando until the rain ruined all the momentum. That was pretty cool.
8. Auburn (LaTech, WVU, Ball State, Furman) - If Auburn went undefeated with this schedule, they should be left out again.
9. Wisconsin (NIU, Fresno St, Wofford, @Hawaii) - Ending your season in Hawaii in December from Madison is pretty awesome.
10. LSU (@Washington, UL-Laf, Tulane, LaTech) - At least they left the state. However, UW was like the worst team in D1A, so not quite as much cred for the Bayou Bengals.

Honorable Mention: Boston College (Northeastern, Kent State, Notre Dame, CMU), Kansas (Northern Colorado, @UTEP, Duke, USM), the rest of the SEC other than UGA and SoCar. Arkansas was wondering if they could play that high school team from Friday Night Lights.

This post is not about football

I think I fairly admitted the fact that this post is not about football. In fact, it is not about sports at all. It is about a miraculous feat that I accomplished no more than thirty minutes ago. Let me preface the story with a little background. I enjoy cooking, and as such I have lots of spices, pepper, salt, oregano, etc. You get it. Well, to be efficient I leave these various cooking accents on the top of my oven/stove. Well by opening the oven door and various kitchen jostling, the oven came free of the wall about 2 inches. This gap, while not that big of a deal, turned into disaster for my garlic and herb Old Bay seasoning, a staple in my kitchen. Now, you will probably say, "Just pull out the oven!" Good idea!, except my kitchen is very small, and I believe the cabinets were put in after the oven was. So, it could be pulled out about a foot or so. So I, being as brilliant as a man can legally be, employed a tried and true recovery method I learned from Looney Tunes: tape a magnet to a cord of some kind and swing it down to get the metal container of flavorful goodness. So I used the only cord available, an ethernet cable. So I scotch taped a kitchen magnet to an ethernet cable and swung it down behind the oven. After four or five attempts, success! It was like something out of a MacGuyver episode. It was too excellent an event not to share with our huge audience.

Why'd you read this?

There is no question in the mind of sane football fans as to who the best team in the world is: Temple. Not because they are good or because they win a lot, but because the team is named after a part of the human anatomy. Temple. It sends shivers down my spine just thinking about the magical power the name invokes. I want to play for them. I want to spend money on their tickets. I want to rub my temples. Okay, I know they finished 5-7 last year, but that's probably because they were so engrossed with the name of their team emblazoned on their uniforms. And even still, they won 5 games. So that proves my original claim. Simply amazing.

So what can the other teams in the NCAA do in order to even be in the same plane of existence of these glorious specimens of American wonderment? Obviously, come up with more exciting names. Let's start by helping the crappily named teams come up with better names. We start with some of the stinkers:

Oklahoma Sooners: Besides the fact that this name makes the team sound like a bunch of premature ejaculators, their uniforms are ugly. I know you are saying "They are the same as Temple, you hypocrite!" Well, you are obviously an Obama voter, because Temple is Cherry and White, not Crimson and Cream. Really, look it up. I know you will. RECOMMENDED NAME CHANGE: Oklahoma Elbows

South Carolina Gamecocks: Okay, this name is pretty sweet, let's be honest with ourselves. Is it Temple sweet? No. How do they get there? Drop the "Game." South Carolina Cocks has a much better ring to it. They shouldn't have game in their names since they don't bring any game on Saturday. RECOMMENDED NAME CHANGE: Steve Spurrier has a little boy locked in his closet. I mean South Carolina Cocks.

University of Miami Hurricanes: To make light of a murderous natural disaster is disgusting. Just like Steve Spurrier's pedophilia. Hurricanes kill hundreds of Americans every year. They are like terrorists, only worse, because they have attacked my house. Literally. So what can the U do in order to not be a bunch of uncaring douche rockets? Change their name to the Douche Rockets. RECOMMENDED NAME CHANGE: UM Douche Rockets.

Kent State Golden Flashes: (Insert funny joke about the national guard senselessly killing hippies). This terrible name immediately makes me think of golden showers, and those aren't good unless you are in Chihuahua, Mexico and you need to talk your way out of a precarious situation with two Mexican transgender prostitutes who stole your wallet. Trust me. RECOMMENDED NAME CHANGE: KSU Hippie Butchers.

Texas Tech Red Raiders: Gay. Gay. Gay. Might as well be called the Texas Tech Ass Raiders (male). So what should they do to man up? Take off the pink uniforms, put down the fist-shaped latex marital aides, and play football. RECOMMENDED NAME CHANGE: TTU Kitty Punchers.

"WAIT!" you are screaming loudly, "aren't there some passable names in NCAA football?!!" Yes there are exactly five.

Notre Dame Fightin' Irish: Without the apostrophe after the 'n', this name would be up there with the Oklahoma Premature Ejaculators. But because the Crazy Jesuits up there in Indiana decided to put the apostrophe on the 'n', they're safe. Mad props to the Fightin' Irish. (I also would have given the Hurricanes a free pass if they went by Hurrican's.)

Texas Longhorns: The only better way of letting your fans know how large your genitals are is by going by "Texas 12-inch Johnsons." I have it on good authority that this name was pitched to the Board of Trustees and they approved. Bureaucrats obviously got in the way and ruined everything.

Marshall Thundering Herd: Honorable mention because their plane crashed. Also, they're thundering. Bonus points would have been awarded for Thunderin' Herd, but no dice Marshall.

Alabama Crimson Tide: This team name doesn't make the list because of the name alone, although it is pretty swanky. The team gets on the list because of the elephants that are associated with the team. GOP! Romney 2012!

AND FINALLY: Miami Hurricanes: I know you will say, "Wait! You had them in the crappy names!" And I will say "Fuck you, this is America." And after all, hurricanes are kind of funny. Although I would prefer they be the Hurrican's. But you can't always get what you want.

To sum up the whole article, I'd use a few words: Why'd you read this?