BCS Outlook

I want to give you a list of predictions fro 10,000 feet for each of the conferences. I am going to give bullet points, a few stories I think will be interesting for each of the 6 BCS conferences, my picks for winners, and maybe a National Title guess, too. Hopefully the other writers will pick up the pace and add their two cents, too.

Big East

This is probably the conference I know the least about. I miss Rich Rodriguez, where you could just pick WVU to win and be done with it. Things have changed, I guess, because that probably won't happen again for a while.

1. Winner: Conventional wisdom says Pitt, but I do not believe in the 'Stache. I say Rutgers with their easy peasy schedule has the advantage.
2. Cincinnati will fall back a little. They lost a lot, but kind of had a quietly great season. They'll be good, they have an excellent coach, but he hasn't built a program that can graduate 13 starters (9 on defense) and not take a step ack.
3. USF has been a trendy pick in this league ever since Grothe has been their QB. They are an interesting team and fun to watch, but they don't seem to be very mentally tough to get as close as they have been and screw the pooch.

Big Ten

This conference is so boring.

1. Winner: Penn State. They get Iowa and Ohio State at home, their toughest away game is at Michigan State who will not be as good as they were last year.
2. What happens in Michigan? Do we see a jump in performance with another year in the system, or will Wolverine fans have to wait another year to see results? I think they will at least make a bowl, but won't scare any of the upper tier in the conference yet. They can call the UM-ND game the Mediocre Bowl.
3. I am really curious to see if Purdue can return to te Tiller days under a new coach or if they will fade into obscurity.

Pac 10

I am really high on the Pac10 this year. I like the way they scheduled, I think that USC's exodus of talent will lead to some very entertaining competition this year. The offense, as usual, will be high flying fun out West, if you can stay up to watch.

1. Winner: This is trickier than you think. I think that there is a narrow window this year for someone other than USC to play in the Rose Bowl. I just can't decide if it's going to be Oregon or Cal. I guess Oregon.
2. Cal is also pretty impressive. Finished the season strong and Jahvid Best is a name you are going to hear a lot of this season.
3. Stanford is the biggest wildcard in this league. Jim Harbaugh is a very impressive coach and it will be interesting to see how he does and for how long he coaches the Cardinal.

Big XII

The other SEC, except all the good teams are in one division (sorry Nebraska).

1. Winner in the North: Nebraska, almost by default. Mizzou lost a ton of talent, Kansas has probaly hit their ceiling, and Nebraska is rouning into dangerous form again. I didn't like to see it at the end of last year, but Pellini was probably the right hire for them.
2. Winner in the South: I like Oklahoma, and to win the whole conference. I know that everyone is taking Texas to the big one, but I don't know. My opinions are changing as we approach the season. OU lost a lot, and despite the Heisman Curse, I like their coaching staff better.
3. Oklahoma State is the question mark. They are a dark horse contender for the conference and possily the National Title, but I don't quite buy into the last part. The game against UGa will set the tone for their season.

SEC

The conference that their fans take pride in being the toughest, and this year will probably take a step closer to being undisputedly so.

1. Winner in the West: LSU. It looked like they sorted out their QB issues in the bowl game and shored up their defensive coaching staff. They will not allow 50 points to anyone this year.
2. Winner in the East: Florida, duh. They will also win in Atlanta.
3. Arkansas will be the surprise of the conference. I think they could finish ahead of Alabama, and will finish ahead of Ole Miss. Ole Miss will disappoint, even though Snead will continue to be a badass and probably be the steal of the NFL draft.
4. South Carolina will suck out loud, and the waves of disappointment coming from Spurrier's visor will be felt as far away as Knoxville.

ACC

This conference will continue to be a jumbled mess, especially in the Coastal. Teams are starting to rise to stratify a little more, like they do in other conferences. With the out of conference schedule, there should be a lot of really good ACC games this year.

1. Winner in the Coastal: Virginia Tech. It's their's until someone takes it from them.
2. Winner in the Atlantic: The winner of the FSU-Clemson game will go to Tampa to play the Hokies. I hope it's the Tigers, but it will probably be the Noles.
3. The Atlantic is going to be the weaker division this year, with Wake and BC being down. This might be the year that makes the grumbles for Friedgen audible outside of ACCland, an NCState lives and dies by their QB.
4. The Coastal has a bottleneck with VT, GT, UNC, and Miami. Georgia Tech is the story of the league, returning a ton of players. We keep hearing about how he is going to install more of the offense. Ok. UNC should be good, but who knows. Same could be said for Miami, really. They have new coordinators in Coral Gables and had a dramatic offseason.

National Title Picks:

UF over Penn State. I can see something similar to last year happening in the Big XII, and an undefeated Penn State will get to play ahead of a one or two loss OU or UT. Nobody is demoting even a one loss Florida this year.

I will summarize in the comments. Leave your own predictions there.

Out of Conference Scheduling

It is a football cliche that the best you can do is beat all the teams on your schedule. For some teams, that is easier than others. Your team's schedule is an issue every year, and frequently has more of an impact that you'd like. I think we can all agree, too, that particularly for the fans, watching good teams play is better than watching one of the juggernauts play against patsies. A tough schedule can alleviate a poor record for the coaches.

I think that out of conference games are important; they impact recruiting, have national title implications, and are fun. As a result, teams that play hard games out of conference deserve credit, and those that play particularly poor ones deserve derision. I want to point out some conference trends, my top 10 teams as far as quality OOC scheduling ant the 10 that are just padding their stats.

The Big Ten, Big XII, and SEC each only have 2 teams that have scheduled 2 or more BCS teams or BCS level teams outside of their required slate. (I count Boise State, TCU, Utah, Notre Dame and BYU as the BCS level schools. I considered ECU, but decided against counting them.) The Pac 10 has 6, but bear in mind they play 9 conference games instead of the usual 8, so they probably win this little game of mine as far as scheduling tough. The ACC is next with 8. The Big East also has 8, but they only play 7 conference games, and they only have 1 team with 3 BCS level opponents, so they're sneaky about it.

Looking over the teams, these are the top ten most notable:

1. Oregon (@Boise State, Purdue, Utah) - Every one of their 12 games are against BCS quality opponents. Purdue might be their weakest OOC opponent, too, so kudos to them. They are ranked #14 and #16 in the two major polls, so they could play themselves into a at large BCS bid with a good season.
2. USC (San Jose State, @Ohio State, @Notre Dame) - Two away games, only one game that isn't against a BCS opponent, and this team and the last team are probably the two favorites to win the Pac10 (although I think Cal will be good, too). They have a tough road to hoe, and if they make the title game, they will have earned it.
3. FSU (Jacksonville State, @BYU, USF, UF) - The weird one is that they travel to Provo to play the Cougars. Their schedule is brutal this year, with the usual Florida and the replacement of their usual cupcake. Good on the 'Noles.
4. Virginia Tech (#Alabama, Marshall, Nebraska, @ECU) - Two traditional powers on their schedule, one of them neutral site. ECU played spoiler for a couple of teams last year.
5. Georgia (@OkSU, ASU, Tennessee Tech, @GT) - This and the one above are almost interchangeable. UGa is also the only SEC team willing to travel to play opponents (South Carolina is the other team from the mighty Southeastern to play more than one BCS opponent outside of conference), and they do not mess around this year. @OkSU and @GT are both games they could lose, but ASU will probably not give them much. Still impressive, and they deserve credit.
6. Oklahoma (#BYU, Idaho St, Tulsa, @Miami) - Tulsa can score points, neutralish site against BYU, and in Miami is a pretty darn respectable schedule.
7. Miami (OU, FAMU, @UCF, @USF) - It's weird that Miami is traveling to Central Florida twice, but hey, whatever.
   
8. Washington (LSU, Idaho, @ND) - While an awful team, they host LSU and go to Notre Dame, so that's cool. When you suck, big time teams want to play you.
9. UConn (@Ohio, UNC, @Baylor, URI, @ND) - This is the team in the Big East that plays the equivalent of 2 other BCS teams. It's decent, UNC and Notre Dame should be improved this year, and Baylor is better than they have been in a long, long time.
10. Georgia Tech (Jacksonville State, @Mississippi State, @Vandy, UGa) - While not exactly picking the cream of the SEC, they do have three teams from their conference. It'll be fun to see the 'Dores against the Old Gold this year.

The flip side of this is important, too. If Florida somehow loses a game, and so does Southern Cal, how does that edge get decided? Florida will almost certainly get the benefit of the doubt because they are an SEC team. However, Florida is easily at the top of this next list. I defer to higher profile teams, because teams like Iowa State and Kentucky are just trying to win games. The bigger programs should know better.

1. Florida (Charleston Southern, Troy, FIU, FSU) - While FSU should probably push them a little lower on the list, the fact that they are the biggest bully on the block should give them a little more impetus to leave the Sunshine State. But then again, they didn't pick FSU...
2. Penn State (Akron, Syracuse, Temple, Eastern Illinois) - Syracuse is technically a BCS team, but really, JoePa? You're a hall of fame coach, for crying out loud.
3. Texas Tech (North Dakota, Rice, @Houston, New Mexico) - Continuing the trend of not wanting to leave the warm confines of your home state, if Texas Tech is anything less than 9-3 this year, this has to be a disappointing season. I do love listening to Mike Leach talk, though.
   
4. Michigan (Western Michigan, Notre Dame, Eastern Michigan, Delaware State) - This is almost as maddening as Florida's, because they play ND every year. They are lower on the list because they were so awful last year.
5. Ole Miss (@Memphis, SErn Louisiana, UAB, N. Arizona) - Southeastern Louisiana? Really? I think Ole Miss is going to be exposed this year, and these cupcakes aren't going to help them later on in the season.
6. Rutgers (Youngstown St, Howard, FIU, @Maryland, Texas Southern) - Remember that Maryland puts them at 8 BCS games. Rutgers does not have the pedigree that the other teams on the list have, but good gracious.
7. Texas (Ul-Monroe, @Wyoming, UTEP, UCF) - Should probably be higher on this list, actually. Oh well. UCF almost upset them in Orlando until the rain ruined all the momentum. That was pretty cool.
8. Auburn (LaTech, WVU, Ball State, Furman) - If Auburn went undefeated with this schedule, they should be left out again.
9. Wisconsin (NIU, Fresno St, Wofford, @Hawaii) - Ending your season in Hawaii in December from Madison is pretty awesome.
10. LSU (@Washington, UL-Laf, Tulane, LaTech) - At least they left the state. However, UW was like the worst team in D1A, so not quite as much cred for the Bayou Bengals.

Honorable Mention: Boston College (Northeastern, Kent State, Notre Dame, CMU), Kansas (Northern Colorado, @UTEP, Duke, USM), the rest of the SEC other than UGA and SoCar. Arkansas was wondering if they could play that high school team from Friday Night Lights.

This post is not about football

I think I fairly admitted the fact that this post is not about football. In fact, it is not about sports at all. It is about a miraculous feat that I accomplished no more than thirty minutes ago. Let me preface the story with a little background. I enjoy cooking, and as such I have lots of spices, pepper, salt, oregano, etc. You get it. Well, to be efficient I leave these various cooking accents on the top of my oven/stove. Well by opening the oven door and various kitchen jostling, the oven came free of the wall about 2 inches. This gap, while not that big of a deal, turned into disaster for my garlic and herb Old Bay seasoning, a staple in my kitchen. Now, you will probably say, "Just pull out the oven!" Good idea!, except my kitchen is very small, and I believe the cabinets were put in after the oven was. So, it could be pulled out about a foot or so. So I, being as brilliant as a man can legally be, employed a tried and true recovery method I learned from Looney Tunes: tape a magnet to a cord of some kind and swing it down to get the metal container of flavorful goodness. So I used the only cord available, an ethernet cable. So I scotch taped a kitchen magnet to an ethernet cable and swung it down behind the oven. After four or five attempts, success! It was like something out of a MacGuyver episode. It was too excellent an event not to share with our huge audience.

Why'd you read this?

There is no question in the mind of sane football fans as to who the best team in the world is: Temple. Not because they are good or because they win a lot, but because the team is named after a part of the human anatomy. Temple. It sends shivers down my spine just thinking about the magical power the name invokes. I want to play for them. I want to spend money on their tickets. I want to rub my temples. Okay, I know they finished 5-7 last year, but that's probably because they were so engrossed with the name of their team emblazoned on their uniforms. And even still, they won 5 games. So that proves my original claim. Simply amazing.

So what can the other teams in the NCAA do in order to even be in the same plane of existence of these glorious specimens of American wonderment? Obviously, come up with more exciting names. Let's start by helping the crappily named teams come up with better names. We start with some of the stinkers:

Oklahoma Sooners: Besides the fact that this name makes the team sound like a bunch of premature ejaculators, their uniforms are ugly. I know you are saying "They are the same as Temple, you hypocrite!" Well, you are obviously an Obama voter, because Temple is Cherry and White, not Crimson and Cream. Really, look it up. I know you will. RECOMMENDED NAME CHANGE: Oklahoma Elbows

South Carolina Gamecocks: Okay, this name is pretty sweet, let's be honest with ourselves. Is it Temple sweet? No. How do they get there? Drop the "Game." South Carolina Cocks has a much better ring to it. They shouldn't have game in their names since they don't bring any game on Saturday. RECOMMENDED NAME CHANGE: Steve Spurrier has a little boy locked in his closet. I mean South Carolina Cocks.

University of Miami Hurricanes: To make light of a murderous natural disaster is disgusting. Just like Steve Spurrier's pedophilia. Hurricanes kill hundreds of Americans every year. They are like terrorists, only worse, because they have attacked my house. Literally. So what can the U do in order to not be a bunch of uncaring douche rockets? Change their name to the Douche Rockets. RECOMMENDED NAME CHANGE: UM Douche Rockets.

Kent State Golden Flashes: (Insert funny joke about the national guard senselessly killing hippies). This terrible name immediately makes me think of golden showers, and those aren't good unless you are in Chihuahua, Mexico and you need to talk your way out of a precarious situation with two Mexican transgender prostitutes who stole your wallet. Trust me. RECOMMENDED NAME CHANGE: KSU Hippie Butchers.

Texas Tech Red Raiders: Gay. Gay. Gay. Might as well be called the Texas Tech Ass Raiders (male). So what should they do to man up? Take off the pink uniforms, put down the fist-shaped latex marital aides, and play football. RECOMMENDED NAME CHANGE: TTU Kitty Punchers.

"WAIT!" you are screaming loudly, "aren't there some passable names in NCAA football?!!" Yes there are exactly five.

Notre Dame Fightin' Irish: Without the apostrophe after the 'n', this name would be up there with the Oklahoma Premature Ejaculators. But because the Crazy Jesuits up there in Indiana decided to put the apostrophe on the 'n', they're safe. Mad props to the Fightin' Irish. (I also would have given the Hurricanes a free pass if they went by Hurrican's.)

Texas Longhorns: The only better way of letting your fans know how large your genitals are is by going by "Texas 12-inch Johnsons." I have it on good authority that this name was pitched to the Board of Trustees and they approved. Bureaucrats obviously got in the way and ruined everything.

Marshall Thundering Herd: Honorable mention because their plane crashed. Also, they're thundering. Bonus points would have been awarded for Thunderin' Herd, but no dice Marshall.

Alabama Crimson Tide: This team name doesn't make the list because of the name alone, although it is pretty swanky. The team gets on the list because of the elephants that are associated with the team. GOP! Romney 2012!

AND FINALLY: Miami Hurricanes: I know you will say, "Wait! You had them in the crappy names!" And I will say "Fuck you, this is America." And after all, hurricanes are kind of funny. Although I would prefer they be the Hurrican's. But you can't always get what you want.

To sum up the whole article, I'd use a few words: Why'd you read this?